


of butterflies and best friends

by beta_mirach



Series: fuck canon i'll do it myself [2]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Drunk characters, Friendship, Gen, Humor, I'm not kidding this entire thing is stupid, This Is STUPID, it's just an excuse for me to write friends being dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27902662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beta_mirach/pseuds/beta_mirach
Summary: Team BLNC gets drunk and breaks into a zoo. About what you'd expect occurs.
Series: fuck canon i'll do it myself [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840120





	of butterflies and best friends

**Author's Note:**

> this is centered entirely around my ocs from my larger verse. it's a future-ish fic so there are some lines that reference events that haven't happened in Icarus yet, but nothing spoilery. I wrote it for a friend and thought it was kind of funny anyway, so here it is.

Wrangling his teammates was no easy task on a normal day, much less when they were drunk.

Bea, bless her heart, was a brilliant leader and an even better friend, but she wasn't exactly a rule-abider, and very rarely cared if her ideas were technically illegal or not. Cambry, ever her enabler, was not helping matters in the slightest. And Lex, darling, sweet Lex, was just happy to be involved. 

"I need one of those leashes you put on little kids," he said idly to Rooney as he Jumped Bea back to him for the fourth time. Cambry began wandering across the parking lot in her stead.

"Shhhh…" his friend murmured, bent down by the electronic locks on the employee side gate of the Atlas Titania Zoo. "I gotta... concentrate."

Nash sighed. "I should have made Azura come," he mumbled to himself. The locks clicked open and he quickly herded the four of them inside.

He wasn't exactly sure of how they got to this point, but he wasn't surprised either. Breaking into the official zoo of Atlas in the middle of the night while drunk wasn't even close to the strangest, stupidest, or most illegal idea Bea had ever had. Comparatively, it was actually pretty tame. He was more surprised Azura had opted to stay home and sleep given the significantly wilder adventures she'd joined them on before.

Let's see...it was three forty-three right now, and the zoo opened at eight. Nash presumed the workers would get there earlier than that, so they needed to be out and gone by six-thirty at the latest. That left them a little over thirty minutes to see each enclosure they choose at the very most. 

"Okay!" He clapped to get their attention. "Where are we going first?" They all immediately started walking in different directions. He sighed tiredly. "Yep. Shoulda brought a leash."

It took a minute to corral them back, and he ended up having to tie Lex and Bea to the map stand with their belts to keep them from slipping away again when he went to go get the other two. They started playing some game on their fingers. Once they were all together again, he flipped open the map drawer and dug a sharpie out of the side of Bea's backpack. 

"We have enough time to see one exhibit each." He told them. "Choose wisely, and choose now."

They all started talking at once. 

\-----

Lex wanted to go to see the butterfly house, and Bea was nothing if not as indulgent to his whims as Cambry was to hers, so they went to the botanical gardens first. Rooney wasn't too happy about it until she found out this particular zoo had a secondary sanctuary she could sit in while Lex tried his best to find the biggest, most colorful butterfly in the garden. 

Nash made his rounds, checking on each of them every few minutes. They'd split pretty evenly, two in each half of the garden, so he spent the in-between time reading the little information panels on the species and habitats of the different insects and trying to figure out the best route to see all the animals they'd chosen. After a few minutes of checking out the butterflies, he went back to make sure Bea and Rooney were still where he'd left them.

They'd gone into the inner sanctuary, where all of the dangerous or unsightly insects were safely locked behind glass. Rooney was fiddling with a few of the electronic displays that lined the walls, but she didn't seem to be doing anything particularly concerning, so Nash left her to her tinkering and went to find Bea. 

The little faunus had made her way into the very back of the maze-like room and was standing in front of the tarantula exhibit. She swayed back and forth as she crooned "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song to her captivated new friend. It waved its legs against the glass. Nash suppressed a shudder and retreated back to the spiderless side of the room. 

Now satisfied that Bea was not in immediate danger of a bad idea and praying Rooney wouldn't find a way into too much trouble, he went back to the outer sanctuary to check on Lex and Cambry. It was almost time to move on, anyway, and they needed to pick where to go next.

In the butterfly garden, Lex sat cross-legged in the middle of the aisle, leaning back on his hands with his head tilted towards the glass dome above them. The colorful flower crown Bea had given him earlier was crooked in his head, slipping down over his hair. His eyes fluttered open and crossed as a bright little butterfly landed delicately on his nose. Nash stifled a laugh, his chest warm and light. 

"Hey, Poppy," he said softly, drawing Lex's attention. "Where'd Cam go?"

Lex pointed to an exit side door, careful not to disturb his butterfly as it was joined by another. A bumblebee bumped lazily into his shoulder and made its way up to his crown. A hummingbird Nash thought was a violet-crowned woodnymph, the same species as Morado, Bea's uncle and Azura's father, landed on the other side and poked its beak into the plastic flowers.

Nash checked the map. There was a turtle and bird pond right outside, in vaguely the same direction as the stingrays Bea wanted to see. Well, he didn't hear any shrieking, or furious bird noises, so he was sure Cambry was fine. He went to go gather the others again.

Maybe he should get one of those walking ropes. 

\----

"Nope, nope, nope." Nash said. "Hand sanitizer first." Bea allowed herself to be led over to the sanitizer stand, never taking her eyes off the stingrays swimming around and around in their pool. She'd originally wanted to just jump in the water with the dolphins or something, but Nash had managed to convince her that was a bad idea. So they went to see the stingrays instead.

"Look at how sweet they are!" She clapped her hands delightedly. Nash wiped a splatter of hand sanitizer off his nose and coated his own hands.

"They're so cute." Cambry cooed, dipping the tips of his fingers into the water. A stingray the size of his head swooped up underneath his hand.

"They're grey pancakes." Rooney said incredulously. Waterproof or not, she'd staunchly refused to put her hands into the pool, claiming too many germs.

"Cute grey pancakes." He informed her.

"Precious little pancakes," Lex agreed, elbow deep in the water.

"They're basically sea roombas." 

"And they're very good at their jobs." Bea sniffed, stroking the spine of a small ray as it circled back to her again and again. "Aren't you? Yes, you're very good little roombas. Don't listen to the grumpy jerk, she's just jealous."

"You're so weird."

"No I'm not! You're just mean!" Bea's eyes welled up with tears. Rooney looked horrified and hastily shoved one fist into the water.

"We should name them." Lex announced suddenly. The look of delight that spread across their faces made Nash laugh so hard he scared the closest stingray into the middle of the pool.

"The big one's name should be Harold." He suggested, pointing to a massive ray swimming lazily in the middle of the pool. 

"Nuh uh," Bea argued. "We can't give them people names, they're not people! They'll get confused. The big one's name should be Steve."

" _Steve is a people name _." Nash told her incredulously, and could practically see the loading circle spinning in her brain.__

__"No, it's not."_ _

__"Yes, it is."_ _

__"Have you ever _met _a person named Steve?"___ _

____"I haven't," Cambry interrupted. She pointed at him aggressively as if he'd proved her point. Nash decided this was not an argument he had a chance of winning and went back to attempting to coax a plate-sized ray from the sand._ _ _ _

____"My nose itches," Lex whined a few moments later._ _ _ _

____"Then...scratch it?" Nash said. He wasn't exactly sure what Lex was expecting. To be fair, though, it wasn't uncommon for them to complain about things they could easily fix._ _ _ _

____"But my hands are wet!" He yanked his hands out of the water and splashed Rooney. The offended face she made sent Cambry into a fit of giggles._ _ _ _

____"I'll do it for you!" Bea offered, and offered him one dripping hand. Lex leaned his face into it gladly._ _ _ _

____"They're never allowed to drink again," Nash sighed to his stingray._ _ _ _

____\-----_ _ _ _

____Nash genuinely could not remember the last time he saw Rooney cry. She was reserved shy with her emotions, only ever freely showing them to Bea._ _ _ _

____And yet, here she was, sobbing like a baby over an otter sleeping on its mother's chest._ _ _ _

____He'd never been more thankful to have his semblance back as he was now. It had taken him a bit to get back into the swing of it, but now, Jumping a pack of tissues was as effortless as breathing. He passed them to Rooney, who took them gratefully._ _ _ _

____Bea tucked Rooney's head against her chest and made gentle shushing noises. Rooney blew her nose into the tissue and allowed herself to be pulled down without issue. Cambry patted her hair awkwardly._ _ _ _

____"Are you okay?" Lex asked her uncertainly._ _ _ _

____"No!" She wailed, wrenching her head away from Bea. Her make-up was running. "They're so...so... _cute _."___ _ _ _

______"They are pretty cute," Cambry admitted. He pulled a flask from his pocket and offered it to her. She took a swig and made a face, then passed it to Bea._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Can we keep one?" Lex bounced excitedly by the glass._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Absolutely not." Nash told him firmly._ _ _ _ _ _

______"They probably stink." Bea said._ _ _ _ _ _

______Rooney threw a tissue at her head. It missed wildly. " _They do not _."___ _ _ _ _ _

________"Do _too _."___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Do not!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Do...otters...stink...question mark." Cambry said slowly. Nash peered over at him. He was very carefully pecking each letter into his scroll with one finger. "They smell terrible."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Rooney looked at the sleeping critters with heartbroken offense. "I don't like otters anymore." She said sullenly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Don't worry," Lex told her comfortingly. "You stink too, but we still love you!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He truly didn't seem to understand why that didn't help._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________\---_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He wanted to make a joke about not needing to see the monkeys because the four of them already were, but he was a little more preoccupied with making sure Cambry didn't fall into the enclosure as he leaned all the way over the side._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I think they're asleep, buttercup." Bea said, leaning over past him. Nash caught the back of her pants._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Booooo." Cambry whined, drawing out the word._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Lex cuffed the back of his head. "Shhhhh, she just said they were asleep."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Oh," Cambry lowered his voice. "Sorry. Boo."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Nash sighed for the fortieth time that night. "Well, if they're asleep, maybe we should move on."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Okay," Bea said, and wiggled back to her feet. "Onwards!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Wait, where are we going?" Nash pulled Cambry up and rounded the others up after her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"To see your jaguars."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"But Cambry hasn't had his turn."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"He...just did?" The poor girl looked so confused._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"They were asleep, so he didn't see them. He should pick something else."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"But...he already picked." Lex said, looking just as confused as Bea. Cambry was faring no better._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Nash chanced a look at Rooney for help. Her eyes were fluttering tiredly, and she didn't seem to notice anything outside putting one foot in front of the other._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Alright." He conceded. "Let's go see the jaguars."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________\---_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Rooney was pretty much dead on her feet by the time they dragged themselves across the zoo to the jaguar habitat. Nash was feeling pretty close to burned out himself. Still, he'd waited this long to see his own choice and if the others were still going, he wasn't going to stop either._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Bea especially was still charging along, even more energetic than when they'd started. For the sake of his own ego, Nash chalked it up to her nocturnal nature and refused to think on it anymore._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Jaguars were technically crepuscular, but this adventure had dragged on a bit longer than Nash was hoping for, and it was already almost dawn. He should have known it was pointless to make a schedule; even if Bea didn't know about it she couldn't help but wreck it. It wasn't in her nature to be told what to do._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Here's _what Nash had been so eagerly hoping to see. Two little jaguar cubs were wrestling outside their den in the wall. Their mother was laying on a large rock above them, keeping a careful eye out. Everyone crowded into the same area and stared down, cooing at them.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________They couldn't watch for long, though, and after ten or so minutes Nash was forced to be the responsible one of the group and tear himself away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Come on, come on," he said quietly. "Time to go, we need to leave before anyone else gets here."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________They retraced their steps, Bea supporting Rooney along the way. Every few feet one of them would pause and try to peer into an enclosure, but Nash nudged them along. They'd been here longer than planned anyway._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Finally, they made it back to the side gates. Rooney tiredly reset the systems and redid the locks. Nash was way too exhausted to risk Jumping all of them straight back to Atlas Academy, so he pointed Bea down the trail leading to the main parking lot and lifted Rooney onto his back. They made it halfway there before Nash caught the sounds of guns cocking and an angry voice yelled out to them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Hey, you five! Freeze and put your hands where I can see them."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Nash rolled his eyes so far back it hurt and groaned. "You have _got _to be kidding me."___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________\---_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________It was eight in the morning before the General showed up to collect them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Rooney dragged a bucket under her head and threw up again. Nash felt a wave of sympathy for her: her tolerance was lower than the other three's because of her lesser organic body mass. He'd offered to send her home to Azura, but she'd merely glared at him and clung a little tighter to Bea. Now she was laying on the other bench in their little cell, her fans whirring softly, one bare metal wrist pressed to Lex's head. Nash noticed General Ironwood's eyes linger curiously on her and realized she'd never exposed her prosthetics around any of the Atlesians._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Was this excursion necessary?" He asked them tiredly, pinching his nose between his metal fingers. Clover trailed in behind him, talking quietly to the officer who'd picked them up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"No," Bea said cheerfully. Cambry hung his head further off the bench and groaned. "But it was fun."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Speak for yourself." Cambry mumbled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Are….they okay?" Clover asked, looking between them with concern. It was nice, really._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"They're hungover." Nash told him from his corner by the cell door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"You and Bea seem fine."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"I don't drink."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"And I am in _agony _," Bea told Clover with a glowing smile. Clover blinked helplessly down at Nash, who could offer him nothing but a shrug because really, even he didn't understand her sometimes. And he was not about to admit that half of what Bea did around Clover was done with the intention of confusing and distressing him.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"She's weird about pain." He said instead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"Right." General Ironwood said disbelievingly. "Well then. Let them out."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________The yet-unnamed officer startled. "Oh? Oh, yessir." He scrambled for the key card to the cell lock. "Luckily they caused no property damages. It doesn't appear that anything was stolen, either. We don't actually have them on camera breaking in or out, just wandering the parking lot before they were picked up. We can't actually prove they went inside, but the local security and alarm systems were down for an extended period of time."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"Then there are no charges?" General Ironwood asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"Not...technically."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"Fantastic," Bea cheered and hopped off her bench. She dragged Cambry up and out the door, pushing past a slightly confused looking Clover. "Let's get breakfast. Clover's paying."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Well _, Nash mused as he helped Rooney up and followed her out of the building, pausing to make sure Lex didn’t puke on Clover.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________All in all, not a bad night _.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
